May 8th, 2020 | No one cares about you

I waited for a couple of days before writting a new blog. The reason is that I was very stressed after my last article went viral on HackerNews. This blog would have been a lot more emotional.

Every time I put something out there that get's traction, I get a pump of adrenaline and endorphines. 

But after that initial pump, I want it to stop. All the notifications. All the emails. All the comments. I get very anxious. I even don't want any new customers. I want to go back to normality.

Why can't growth be linear?

Linear growth is a nice to us humans cause it fits perfectly our monkey brains. But growth for me has always happened in bangs.

From a distance, zoomed out, everything looks linear. But day to day - it's a bumpy ride.

This time, my latest monthly blog, "Month #4 - Holy shit." went to the top of HackerNews. I did not post it, but someone told me on Twitter that I'm on the front page of HN.

In the beginning, I was super excited. All comments were positive. People were complimenting my writing style. People were relating to me.

But then... people started calling me a scumbag for running unethical businesses. Cyberleads contains some emails. GitGardener makes your GitHub green. No one mentioned EpilepsyBlocker though.

Anyway. In the beginning, when I saw that first comment, my blood froze. You know that feeling. When your blood goes cold and your fingers and toes go numb. And you say to your self "Oh fuck.. Please tell me this is not happening." That feeling.

All night I was hoping for the post to leave the front page. I would wake up and check out HN. Sometimes not only would it not go further down, it would go up again. I didn't want to tell the guy that uploaded it to take it down cause then that shows I accepted defeat. I don't agree with what they say, but that's ok. I can accept and respect other peoples' opinion regardless.

The next day I still felt like shit. Then I did what I always do when I feel like shit. I run.

I went and ran 10K. Breath in. Breath out. Right step. Left step. No phone. No watch. Don't think. Let thoughts come to you.

I quickly realized that these people don't know me. It's not personal. They are not mean. They are not mean to me. And the most important thing of all, they don't care about me.

Think about it, do you really care if Brad Pit was caught cheating? Or if Jim Carrey said some stupid stuff in his last interview?

Of course not! Who gives a fuck about Jim Carrey, really? Everyone has their own problems, their own insecurities, their own dreams, their own aspirations, their own doubts, their own fears, their own goals. No one  truly gives a fuck about Brad Pit or any other celebrity.

Even the most famous people in the world are not at all important to us. Let alone a nobody like me with a few followers on Twitter.

All of them have forgotten about me by now, and that's only natural.

That thought is liberating. No one gives a fuck about you, and that is perfect. You can fail. You can embarrass yourself. You can be rejected. It's never personal. No one is looking. No one cares.

You may be the leading actor of your own movie, but in everyone else's movie you are nothing but an extra. You appear on the screen for a flash, and then you are gone again. And that is liberating.

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